By Way of the Rose Page 30

  In this moment she knew the spirits of her people were with her, surrounding her, loving her, protecting her and Sarah was unafraid.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  * * * *

  The hunt was on for the person who had murdered Shane Thompson. Every day more and more fingers were pointing to John. After all, they had been in a huge fight the very day that Shane was killed.

  Marion walked somberly into John's room. His back was toward her as he stood packing his bag that lay open on the bed. “So, you're running again, my son. I suppose I'd rather have you running than being hung for a murder that you didn't commit.”

  “I thought maybe Mr. Tyson could help clear me of this.” He spoke blankly, never turning to look at Marion. His voice had taken on a darker tone of late. “Either way, they'll never find me to hang if I go there.”

  “That blasted Sarah! She's destroyed our family.”

  “Hmm, the way I see it, Momma, there wasn't much of one to destroy.” He jerked his bag from the bed and turned toward her. “I brought myself up from a fifteen year old boy because you nor Poppa could control Nathan. That began way before Sarah ever crossed our threshold.”

  “I can't believe you'd speak to me that way! Never would I have thought it.” Marion began to sob.

  John looked blankly into her face. “Momma, I can't feel guilt right now. I can't feel anything but anger, so all the tears and the outrage are for naught. Tell Poppa bye for me,” he coldly snapped as stomped from the room. Speechless, Marion fell like a stone onto John's bed as she watched him go. Time seemed to stand still. John's cutting words swirled through her head, finding no place to rest, nowhere to find comfort in reason, or in doubt, that what he'd said wasn't true.

  John gazed out the window as the train rushed down the tracks. He looked at the seat across from him and suddenly there was a vision of Sarah, smiling and bright, her face oozing with anticipation of the new adventure to come. “Everything is going by so fast. it's a fun and excited feeling!” He heard her speak to him. He quickly shook himself lose from that memory. There were many times over the coming weeks when he thought of Sarah... but he quickly brushed it aside. Then She started coming to him in his dreams. He'd wake up calling out her name. If only he could stop loving her. If only he could forget about her! Why should he be haunted by her memory? Why should he feel wrong and guilty? She was the whore, the liar, the savage! He had to forget her, she was not innocent, sweet Sarah... she was a temptress, jezebel, a harlot with Shane Thompson's blood on her deceitful hands! The more she haunted his dreams the more he despised her. He had to cut this part of his life out of his heart like a bad spot from an apple, ream it out, and the knife he used to sever her memory was that of bitterness and hate.

  Sarah was about fifty miles east of the Mississippi River now. The days were warm but the nights were chilly. She'd lay by the firelight using her shawl for cover, her head resting on her bag. She noticed her stomach starting to bulge a bit. Then one night, she felt an odd flutter. Then it happened again. The baby was moving! “You know little one, I've not even thought of you.” She rubbed her hand over her belly. “I pray that if I'm to have you that I will love you. I know it's not your fault. Still, I fear I will hate you.” Sarah looked to the sky, “Lord, let me see this child as mine and not Nathan's. If I'm to have it, let me adore it... every child, no matter who is it, deserves to be adored by the one they call, Momma.”

  Sarah consoled herself. She thought of the future. “I will Find a place to stand on my own with people who care about me for who I am.” She brushed her hand gently over her stomach. “I will make a life for this child too and we will build a home together, somehow. It deserves that much.” After this night, she found herself talking to the baby most all the time. This little one became her link to reality. She thought of how it would love her. How it would look up to her and trust her. “Maybe you're a blessing in disguise.” She smiled. “It's me and you against the world now. We have to be in each other's corners. There's no one else on earth for us.”

  The days blurred in her mind as she trudged diligently toward the west, not knowing where it would end, but knowing that she must keep walking. There was an end, she just knew it in her heart. Her people were out there calling to her, urging her onward to find her place in this life.

  She came through a small town and bought a piece of salt meat and a few eggs. Then she got a blanket and skillet. “I haven't been eating right, little one. I know I must eat for you too.” She'd been living off nothing but soda crackers for the past two weeks. That couldn't be good for the baby but, she hadn't really felt like eating. She was just now getting some sort of an appetite back. For the first time in weeks, she felt it... she was hungry. The smell of the meat and eggs made her mouth water. “You're in for a treat, little one. Momma is about to eat!” She smiled down at her stomach. The smell was overpowering and made it hard for her to wait. When the meat was done enough, she placed the skillet on the ground in front of her and like a starved animal, she devoured the food.

  The weather turned bitter cold. So cold that the heat from the fire wouldn't reach Sarah no matter how close she sat to it. She gathered her blanket around her as she shivered in the open night. “I bet you're nice and warm in there, little one. You just rest, Momma will keep you safe. By the time you get here, I'll have a house for you with a cradle and plenty of blankets. Not that we'll need many blankets in June, but you're still going to be little when the cold weather comes around again. We need a rocking chair too. I'm going to rock you to sleep every night with a lullaby. I don't sing very well, but I'm sure you won't mind. For most children, it's enough to just be in their mother's loving arms. It would have been enough for me anyway.” Sarah felt as if she were going to cry. “Well, it's time we get some sleep.” She snuggled under her blanket next to the fire and placed her hand over the little bulge in her belly. She felt it fluttering. “Rest now, little one. We've got a busy day ahead of us tomorrow.”

  Sarah was awakened by a sharp pain in her back. It reached around to her front. Soon another wave of pain swept over her. She screamed out into the coldness of dawn. “Dear Lord, what's happening, don't take the little one! I need you little one! Please hang on... just hang on. I'll rest for a few days... you'll be fine. Just don't leave me. Please don't leave me.” Another wave of pain made Sarah bite into her lip until blood filled her mouth from the gash it caused.

  The baby came despite her pleas. It was so small it fit in the palm of her hand. She saw its tiny arms and legs. Its small face. “Oh, how I would have loved you!” She cried. “I would have loved you! I did love you!” She cried out again. It was almost too much for her to bear. Should she just give up, lay down here and die with her child? Would anyone ever miss either one of them? “What is there to be strong for now?” She felt empty... like a big chunk of herself was missing.

  “How much pain and suffering is one person supposed to bear? God tell me... what am I supposed to do now?”

  A soft gentle breeze whispered around her and she felt it again. The presence that had been with her from the start. It seemed to say to her: ‘finish it... go on. Your life is just ahead. You're going to find it. Don't quit now.’

  Sarah made a cradle of leaves and gently laid the child down and pushed the dirt around it as if she were wrapping it in an earthen blanket. The tears streamed down her face. She took a deep breath and rose to her feet. Something urged her onward. “I will not give up!” She stood and walked away. A stream of sorrowful tears trailed behind her as she purposefully faced the west.

  The cold winds and the aching in Sarah's heart slowed her steps. She was not making as much ground as she had been. The cold winds whipped around her and chilled her to the bone.

  She stumbled to her knees. “If I must go on,” she prayed, “I need some help... I don't know how much longer I can do this. Have mercy, help me! I won't lose faith... but when does this end? I'm so very tired and cold and I hurt, God... I hurt so bad in my heart and
body.”

  As if in answer to her prayers she heard the sound of a wagon coming. She staggered upright as it pulled beside her and stopped.

  “Are you all right there?” The man's voice was muffled from all the layers of wraps about his face. Sarah could see nothing but his dark compassionate eyes as they stared down at her.

  “I'm trying my best to be all right, but I fear I'm going to die before I get to where I'm going.”

  “Is that right? Well, where you headed?”

  “Um, west.”

  “I'll do everything I can to save your life. I'd hate to see ya die right here on this cold road. I'm on my way to Marion, Arkansas If you want to tag along.”

  That name shocked her. “Where?” Sarah asked.

  “Marion, ever heard of it? It's about twenty miles on the other side of Memphis. In Arkansas.”

  “No. That's an odd name for a town.”

  “Well, that's the name of it. You gonna ride with me?” His voice radiated its warmth to her.

  “Yes, thank you! That would be wonderful! I'm so cold and tired.”

  “Well, hop on in!” He held his hand out to help her. His eyes twinkled warmly. Sarah grasped hold of his hand with all her might and suddenly a new strength rushed into her being. She felt as if he were pulling her from a raging river that was about to sweep her beneath its mighty currents.

  She sat shivering with her blanket tightly wrapped around her. The young man looked over as she grasped at the corners of her cover. “You don't even have a coat, do ya? If you'd like, you can sit back yonder in the covered part, it'll cut the wind some. It's a bit warmer back there for sure.”

  “Yes, something between me and this horrid wind would be heavenly!” Sarah immediately began to work her way into the back of the wagon.

  “There's lots of covers and quilts there to keep you warm. I've even got a bed roll back there you can crawl in.” The boy yelled for the horses to get up as Sarah gathered the covers around her and snuggled down under the bunch of quilts as the wagon gently rocked her. Before she knew it, she had fallen asleep and was in a most beautiful, warm and sunny place. She was happy. Many people were there who loved her and whom she loved back. She knew all these people.

  Everyone was smiling. There was no bitterness, no hurt... nothing but pure love and peace. She danced in the warm sunlight with a crown of dew-sprinkled white flowers in her hair. She heard a gentle voice, whispering, from great sorrow comes the purest beauty. Dance, my sweet Sehoya... dance

  “Wake up.” She felt the boy shaking her.

  “Where am I?” Sarah jumped awake.

  “Just out of Memphis. Thought you and I could use a bite to eat before we cross the Ol’ Muddy.” He smiled. His kind eyes sparked with light. He had a glowing olive complexion with hair thick and dark.

  “The ol’ muddy what?”

  “The Mighty Mississip.”

  “Oh, I see. Yes, I would be grateful for a bite. I haven't eaten since yesterday. Or maybe the day before that. I don't remember.”

  The boy handed her a plate of baked potatoes and bread. Sarah tore into it with both hands. “So, where exactly are you headed?” The boy asked as he sat on a crate across from her.

  “I don't know... Just west.” She talked with a full mouth.

  “You don't know?” He looked at her strangely as he handed her a bowl of butter.

  She swallowed the food before she answered. “I'm just seeing where this road leads me.” She shrugged as she spread the butter thickly over her bread.

  “I see. You're in a bit of trouble, huh?”

  “No trouble, just searching.”

  “For what?”

  “For where I belong.”

  Sarah took another bite of the food. It filled the empty spot in her belly, but not her heart.

  “By the way, we didn't really get a chance out there in the cold to introduce ourselves, my name's Peter Rush... what's yours?”

  “Sarah.”

  “Sarah what?”

  “Just Sarah... I have no last name. I have no family.”

  “Orphan. huh?”

  “Yeah... I'm an orphan.”

  “Nice to have you along for the ride, orphan Sarah.” Peter smiled at her warmly.

  “Nice to be here. You just don't know how that cold was cutting into me.”

  “I have an idea.” Peter popped the last bit of bread in his mouth and swiped his hands on his thick brown coat. “Guess it's time we get started again.”

  It was so wonderful talking to someone again, she hated that their lunch was over so soon.

  “When I get home you should stay with me and my Ma until this weather breaks. I know she'd be glad to have you.”

  “Is there room for me?”

  “Oh, yeah... we have an extra room now since my brother Paul moved out. I'm the only one left at home. The place is small, but like Ma says, ‘that which is small and cramped makes us closer.'” He chuckled.

  Sarah smiled. “Well, if I won't be imposing. It would be nice to sleep indoors for a change.”

  “No trouble at all. Ma will be happy to have you. So will I.”

  “Thank you, Peter, so much!”

  “Oh, you're welcome. A young lady like you shouldn't be out walking in weather like this. You don't even have a good winter coat.”

  “Good thing you came along when you did.”

  “Good thing indeed!” He smiled at her before he wrapped his face again and crawled back up front. “Get up, now.” He yelled as he whipped the reigns.

  Sarah snuggled back under the covers as the wagon's swaying motion relaxed her. She closed her eyes and just lay there not thinking of anything for a while. She didn't want to remember the past. She didn't want to remember John. She didn't want to think about what had happened to Shane. She didn't want to think of anything but the future. Where would she go? What was she going to do when she got there? Teach? Perhaps she could get her teacher's certificate. She could earn a decent living that way and get a small place to live. This would be her new beginning.

  They approached the river and Sarah raised up and looked out as Peter fought to get the horses and wagon onto the flat-bottomed ferry. She fell as it lunged left then right then left again the horses whinnied and the wagon bounced as it rattled across the wooden planks. A man called out. “Your wheels are too close to the edge! Move her up a little dab!” Again the wagon lunged forward. “Whoa there now! That's fine.”

  Sarah pulled herself up, the icy cold river rushed about them as the ferry carried them slowly across towards the Arkansas border. The water was a muddy brown color... certainly not like the crystal clear waters of the mountain stream back home. As they pulled up on the western bank Sarah breathed deeply. “Good bye, Tennessee... good bye forever!” She lay back and remembered the wonderful dream and smiled as she drifted back into a sweet and peaceful sleep.

  “Sarah... we're here.” Peter shook her awake. She rubbed her face and raised up.

  “I can't believe I fell asleep again! I must have really been exhausted.”

  “Quick, come on in the house where it's warm.”

  She threw back the covers and felt the bitter cold attacking her body. She quickly followed Peter into the house. It was not a mansion, but it was pretty and well-maintained. Much larger than a plain cabin for sure and it was nice and cozy. A fire blazed from the fire place.

  “Ma, I'm home!” Peter called out. “And I've brought company.”

  Sarah saw a kindly looking woman with cheerful eyes enter the room. Her hair was neatly pinned back and she wore a gingham dress with a crisp clean apron to protect it. “Welcome home!” She hugged Peter then looked at Sarah. “Who's this little lady?”

  “This is Sarah, Ma. She's on her way west and I gave her a ride. I told her you wouldn't mind her staying with us for a spell.”

  “Of course not!” Her smile seemed to light up the room. This glowing smile must be a natural trait of the Rush family, Sarah thought. “Supper is almost ready.
Why don't you show Sarah to the guest room so she can freshen up?”

  “Is there anything I can do to help?” Sarah asked.

  “No, no. Just make yourself at home, child. The one thing I'm strictest about is letting people into my kitchen. By the way, my name is Nora.” She held her hand out to Sarah.

  “Thank you for letting me stay, Nora.” Sarah shook her hand.

  “You're most welcome. Now, the both of you, go get cleaned up for supper.” She shooed them with a quick wave of her hand.

  The talk around the dinner table was lively. Peter told of his travels and all that had happened on his way to Tennessee. He was a shipper who delivered goods all over the south. Sometimes he was on the road for weeks at a time.

  “You know what you should do, Sarah, wait until I head west. I always have to take a load of cotton seed into Tulsa in the spring.”

  “I don't think I could stay around that long.”

  “Why? Are you in some kind of a hurry?” Nora asked.

  “No, it's just that I don't want to impose myself on you all... I don't want to take advantage or wear out my welcome.”

  “That's impossible! We love to have people around. We're stuck out here with precious few neighbors. It would be nice having someone here with me.”

  “Well, I would like to wait till there's another warm spell, if you truly don't mind. It gets awful cold out there.”